


And My Darling ‘Til We Do, You Are Always In My Heart

by roughvoiced



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AIMH, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, always in my heart, literally just everything anyway goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:24:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3420953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughvoiced/pseuds/roughvoiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, if you said you didn’t mean it I’d understand," Harry says quietly. "Always is a long time and no one really knows how they’re gonna feel for always so I’d understand. If you said no, that is."</p>
            </blockquote>





	And My Darling ‘Til We Do, You Are Always In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> yikes well apparently i only ever write angst and smut anymore so thats new anyway. AIMH hit a milli last night so heres my contribution to that revelation. this may or may not be an au im not sure.
> 
> [polish trasnlation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3420953)

_You’re gone and I gotta stay high all the time_  
_To keep you off my mind_  
_Spend my days locked in a haze_  
_Trying to forget you babe_  
_Gotta stay high all my life  
_ _To forget I’m missing you_

It’s 1am when Louis gets the call, his phone vibrating so hard it falls right off the night stand and onto the floor with a bang. He lays there staring at the ceiling until it stops, flinging an arm across his eyes with a groan as he tries to fall asleep again.

He almost manages to drift back off again when the vibrating returns, juddering against his bed post so much he can feel it in his bones. After fumbling around on the floor for a few moments he finally manages to clasp his fingers around the cool plastic of his phone case. He doesn’t bother to look who it is before he presses answer.

“Did you mean it?”

Louis blinks blankly into the darkness. “Pardon?”

"Did you mean it?" A very tipsy sounding Harry slurs into the receiver. He sounds blurred and far away and somehow, Louis misses him more than ever right now.

"Mean what?" he asks dumbly as he tries not to think about how, a year ago, if they were having this exact same conversation he’d be whispering into Harry’s ear right now instead of yelling into a phone handset, trying to compete with the throb of angry bassline that’s in the background of wherever Harry might be at this particular time. He stopped keeping check on him a long time ago.

He hears Harry sigh and mumble something to whoever he’s with before a door swings open in the background and the music becomes muffled, swallowed up by the outside air.

"My notifications are going mental," Harry laughs, somehow sounding more sober than he had done a second ago.

"Twitter?" Louis asks, already reaching under the bed for his laptop.

"Yeah," Harry says after a moment and Louis doesn’t even have to be next to him to know that he just nodded in answer without realising Louis can’t see him.

Harry is quiet while Louis’ laptop boots up, quiet as he listens to Louis punching in his Twitter password, still _oopsandhi_ even though they don’t speak anymore because he’s sentimental and also forgetful.

"Shit," he whispers as he watches his mentions increase by the second, mouse freezing as he tries to move it around the screen.

Louis hears Harry nod again before he says “Yeah,” voice quiet and timid.

He doesn’t even need to open up the webpage to know what’s going on, can see the trending topics down the side of the page clear as day. It makes him kind of sad really, to think about how this used to be a weekly occurrence, the hashtags and the tweets and the silly pictures that they all used to post.

“Jesus, a _million_ ,” Louis breathes out with a little laugh, trying to scroll down his ever increasing mentions.

"You know, if you said you didn’t mean it I’d understand," Harry says quietly. "Always is a long time and no one really knows how they’re gonna feel for always so I’d understand. If you said no, that is."

Louis scrubs a hand over his face and tries not to think about the way he always loved how philosophical Harry got when he’d had too many beers, always trying to put the world to rights and fix everyone’s problems.

 _I meant it_ , Louis thinks. “You should be an agony aunt, not a pop star,” is what he says.

"I should go," Harry replies. "Nick will be wondering where I am."

Louis sniffles a little, rubbing at his nose as he says “Having a good night?”

“Yeah, I um. One of Nick’s mates birthday I think. Dunno really, didn’t really have a choice but to come.” He laughs.

“Well, you should get back then, don’t wanna keep you from the festivities.” Louis says sadly, trying to smile through his words so that Harry can’t hear the wetness in his voice.

Harry snorts into the phone and Louis hears the way the music gets louder as he pulls the door open and says, “Yeah, see y’around, Lou.”

" _Hey_ ," Louis shouts as he hears Harry pull the phone way from his ear.

"What?"

"Did you um," Louis coughs, poking a finger into his eye before he says "Did you wanna maybe, come home tonight? As in home _home_ as in, here home?

Harry doesn’t answer that so Louis says “No, obviously not, forget it, I’m sorry for making things weird.” and hangs up, dropping his phone onto the bed before punching his leg through the duvet.

He falls back against his pillow and groans, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes and resolutely doesn’t think about how much of a dick he is. It’s not like he doesn’t know how capable he is of fucking things up anyway, can’t live a day of his life without remembering how badly he messed things up with Harry. Can barely go an hour without wishing he could change things.

He’s almost managed to completely distract himself from the situation at hand with the thought of visiting home in a few days’ time when his phone jolts him out of his little reverie, the vibrations muffled by the duvet but still there nonetheless so he picks it up.

The number isn’t saved into his phone anymore but it’s pretty much the only one he has memorised, other than his own, so he answers it with his heart lodged somewhere in the back of his throat.

"Do you still have my mandarin body wash?" is the first thing Harry says when he answers.

"Um, it’d been there too long and gone off so I replaced it with the peach one you like." Louis tells him.

Harry hums, “Acceptable,” he says before “What about that mug I like with the goldfish on and that stupid pair of slippers Ed bought me for Christmas?”

"Yes and yes," Louis says, laughing a little. "And that ugly bedding your mum bought us that time."

"Yuck," Harry says but there’s a smile in his voice. "What about that dumb cushion Niall bought us with the cow puns on it?"

Louis laughs at the thought of the ‘ _next to moo_ ’ cushion buried somewhere on the sofa. “Course,” he says.

"And what about that knob and bollocks shaped soap you won at the fair?"

"I’ve still got it all Haz, haven’t thrown anything out," Louis tells him.

"Not even the ring?" Harry asks, voice quiet and timid.

Louis shakes his head and thinks about the simple silver band hidden at the back of his sock draw and whispers “Not even the ring,”

He hears Harry draw in a shaky breath, coughing on an exhale. “You um, you know I have to fly to LA at lunch time, right?”

“No,” Louis says confidently, almost managing to convince himself because, no matter what Zayn says, he _isn’t_ obsessed with Harry. He’s not. “I didn’t know that.”

He hears the door open in the background and someone calling Harry’s name, not Nick, probably one of his friends. _Just a minute_ , he mumbles into the receiver and Louis can’t hear what he’s saying properly, just some vague mumbling of _tell Nick I’m sorry, yeah_ and _there’s somewhere important I need to be_ and Louis just about manages to control himself enough not to scream into his pillow like a six year old love sick child who’s crush just looked at them for the first time in the school corridor.

“Hi, sorry, you still there?”

 _Always_ , Louis thinks. “Yeah, m’here.”

“Great,” Harry says and Louis can hear his grin from all the way across town. “M’ just gonna call a cab now, yeah? I can be at yours in like, fifteen twenty minutes is that okay?”

Letting out a relieved sigh he says, “Yeah, yeah no problem.”

“Alright, see you in a minute then.”

“See you soon,” Louis says. _Love you_ , he doesn’t say.

**\- ♥ -**

The way Louis sees it is this: no matter what anyone says, they’re both to blame. Louis probably could take a marginally larger amount of the blame but, either way, both of them fucked up. Both of them did something they shouldn’t have and both of them acted like a dick about it.

There isn’t really any reasonable explanation for what happened; Louis couldn’t even explain it to his own mother when she asked, just woke up one day and Harry had gone. No explanation, no reason, just some garbled mess about how they’d grown apart and how Harry wanted something more than he though Louis could give him.

He’d cried for a week.

**\- ♥ -**

Louis doesn’t even realise he’s fluffed up the same cushion four times until the bell rings. He glances up at the door with a jolt and stands their waiting for it to open until he remembers that Harry doesn’t have a key anymore and that he’s actually going to have to move at some point if he ever wants to see him again.

“Hi,” He pants as he opens the door, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. “Um, come in.”

Harry nods, smiling a little as he tugs at the hem of his shirt, toeing off his boots as Louis closes the door behind him.

“D’ya want a drink or anything?” He asks, tying to ignore the way tension lingers ominously in the air between them.

He shakes his head no and, instead, just smiles down at Louis, because apparently he’s grown about three and a half feet since the last time they were in the same room.

Neither of them says anything for a long time, just stand there, staring. Harry with his big green eyes and his long eye lashes that Louis could paint in his sleep. His skin is still slick with sweat from the club and the shirt he’s wearing is a bit too tight around the middle, buttons pulling taught against his toned chest. Louis’ stood close enough that he can feel the devastating warmth spilling from his body, can feel the way the tips of his toes are barely brushing against Louis’ own and its _killing him_ ; killing him that he can’t just reach out and touch him like he so badly wants to. Can’t just reach out and brush his fingers against Harry’s tummy like he used to every single day except suddenly Harry is gasping a little, his muscles tightening up and Louis’ eyes widen as he glances down, watching his fingers dance over the buttons of Harry’s shirt without even meaning to.

He jerks his hand back immediately, squeezing his eyes shut and mumbling _sorrysorrysorry_ so quietly he can barely hear it himself.

“Hey,” He hears Harry say, just as long fingers brush against his elbow but Louis doesn’t want his pity, not now, not ever. He doesn’t look back before stumbling out of the dark corridor and towards his bedroom, _their_ bedroom.

“ _Louis_ ,” Harry says, more forceful this time so he stops. Stops and turns around to face him, shoulders squared and ready to fight but Harry doesn’t yell, doesn’t do anything other than press his lips against Louis’, soft and gentle and Louis could _cry_ with how much he’s been craving his touch, hadn’t even realised it himself until now just how badly he’s wanted it.

It’s dark and windy outside and Louis is still vaguely aware of the fact that he hasn’t locked the front door yet but suddenly Harry’s finger tips are coming up and under the fabric of his sleep shirt, warm skin grazing his hips and Louis is genuinely worried that he might start crying any second now so he pushes Harry away, giggling into the back of his hand at the dumbfounded expression on his face and says _bedroom_ after pecking him once, twice, three times on the lips just to see him smile again.

They stumble there, fronts pressed together as they fall into Louis’ bedroom, both of them touching whatever skin they can get to but it’s not enough, never enough especially not after so long of being apart. It’s been months since Louis tasted Harry on his lips, months since he got to run his tongue along the plains of his back, to touch the dip of his hips and the squish of his tummy when he hasn’t worked out in a while. It’s been months and Louis wants him now.

“Harry,” He breathes as he watches him shuffle downwards, rucking Louis’ shirt up under his armpits as he attaches his lips to the side of his ribs, sucking gently until there’s a sharp pain shooting up his side and Harry is swiping his tongue over the bruise there.

“Wassit?” Harry whispers back, voice equally as ruined as Louis’ own as he surges back up towards his face. “What do you want? Wanna give you everything.” He whispers into Louis’ mouth like a secret, something just for them.

Louis whimpers and then, “Want you to fuck me, please.”

Harry swallows the choked up garble that threatens to spill out of his mouth and just nods, burying his face into Louis’ neck as he presses his thigh down against his cock, grinds against him for a moment until he’s sure Louis is fully hard beneath him and then he pulls back, wicked glint in his eye as he says “Stuff still in the drawer?”

Louis nods, dropping his legs from where they’re wrapped around Harry’s waist to let him lean across to grab the lube from the nightstand.

“Condom?” Harry asks, quirking his eyebrow when Louis groans and shakes his head, hair fluffing around on the pillow.

He watches as Harry shucks his jeans down his legs, kicking them off to the side somewhere as he pulls his shirt up and over his head, and it hasn’t even been a year but Louis had forgotten just how amazing Harry’s body really is. Toned and muscular and beautiful but still soft and supple in the middle and around the edges, stupid, stupid tattoos littered everywhere and Louis wants to kiss him so badly, so he does.

It feels strange to be able to reach right out and grab him, to be able to wrap his fingers around his hips and pull him in but he does, laughing as Harry stumbles over and falls on top of him, encompassing Louis’ body with his own.

“Hi,” He whispers, grinning as he presses a dry kiss to Harry’s shoulder.

“Oops,” He giggles, leaning forward to press his lips to Louis’, kissing him until their cocks are painfully hard between them and their lips are numb and tingly.

It’s Harry who pulls back first, moving his hands down from Louis face to tug at his t-shirt, pulling until Louis raises his arms and lets him tug it over his head, tossing it somewhere in the vicinity of the wardrobe.

“God,” He breathes out, sitting back on his haunches, staring at Louis.

He swallows. “W-what?”

Harry shakes his head, smiling as he thumbs at Louis’ hips, rubbing tiny circles there as he leans forward to press a kiss to each of his nipples, scraping his teeth lightly over each of them in turn before he kisses Louis’ tummy, kneading a little at the fleshy skin of his hips before he tucks his fingertips under the waist band of his boxers, flicking his eyes up to search for Louis’ silently asking before Louis nods and he starts to slide them down his legs.

“You too,” Louis whispers once Harry reaches his ankles and he nods, pressing a kiss to the inside of each one before standing up and dropping his own boxers at the foot of the bed.

“Gonna open you up now, okay?” He asks, reaching for the lube as Louis nods and spreads his legs, letting them fall open as he watches Harry slick three fingers up.

The first touch is cold, makes him gasp as Harry circles his rim with the pad of his first finger but Harry shushes him, distracts him with soft kisses so he doesn’t even realise Harry's down to the knuckle already.

“Tight,” Harry says, crooking his finger a little as he teases Louis’ hole with a second finger.

Louis hums. “S’been a while.”

Harry nods, grinning at him as he starts to push in with his second finger. “Same,” He says, kissing him again, quick and dirty.

“Okay, okay,” Louis whines after a moment, pulling away a little as he pants into Harry’s mouth. “M’ready.”

Harry shakes his head, scissoring his fingers a little as he says, “One more, wanna make it last.”

Louis groans, spreading his legs wider across Harry’s thighs, gasping a little at the stretch as he pushes in a third, doesn’t stop until all three fingers are nestled tightly inside Louis’ ass and they’re both speechless at the feeling of Louis wrapped around him.

He spends a few minutes just testing Louis out, moving his fingers around and crooking them over and over until Louis is whimpering under him, body sweat slick and shiny and Harry doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as devastatingly beautiful in his whole life.

“Ready?” He whispers, pulling his fingers out with a wet pop as Louis nods wildly, reaching out to sling an arm around Harry’s neck and pull him in for a biting kiss. Doesn’t stop kissing him while Harry slicks up his prick and pushes it against Louis’ hole, rubbing it around as Louis gasps into his mouth and whimpers _m’ready m’ready please_.

Harry’s always been powerless to resist Louis anything at all so he just groans, low and long in the back of his throat as he pushes in, doesn’t stop until his hips are flush against Louis’ arse.

“So big, Jesus. Forgot about that.” Louis groans, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck to hold him there, hold him close.

Harry laughs at that, jostling Louis a bit as he buries his face into his neck, giggling until Louis says, “You can move now,” And wraps his legs tight around Harry waist.

He nods, pulling out a bit before pushing back in, brows furrowed as he watches Louis mouth fall open, high pitched gasps spilling from his lips every time Harry punches back in, over and over until Louis is digging his nails into his shoulder blades and pulling him in with the leg he still has wrapped around him.

“Gonna cum?” Harry grits out, thrusting into Louis one, two, three more times before Louis is tightening around him, saying _yeah yeah yeah_.

He hums, leaning down to capture Louis’ lips with his own again, kissing him hard as he pounds into him, Louis’ prick jumping against his stomach every time Harry hits his prostate.

“Gonna cum just on my cock?” He asks, moving his head to suck a mark into the underside of Louis’ jaw, sucking at the skin there until Louis groans, tightening around Harry again and he moves back to his lips, kissing him bruisingly as he pounds into him harder than before as Louis starts to cum, spilling up his chest as he tightens his legs around Harry’s waist holding him there as he feels Harry start to cum too, filling him up, warm and wet.

They lay there for a minute, pressed together until Harry starts to laugh, giggling into Louis’ shoulder, whole body shaking with it until Louis can’t stop the laugh that spills from his lips. He keeps giggling as Harry pulls out with a wince and falls onto his side beside him, both of their shoulder shaking gently as they laugh.

It’s Louis who stops first, instead, turning his face to watch Harry. He’s too close and blurry right beside him but he’s beautiful. The slope of his nose and the flush of his cheeks, the way his curls brush against the top of Louis ear and his lips are wet and pink, glossy in the moonlight that falls in through the open curtains.

“Hey,” He says, shuffling onto his side so that he can watch Harry, reaching out to dance his fingers up the middle of his stomach, smirking at the way it flutters under his fingertips. “Missed you,” He whispers, like it’s a secret, like the entire world doesn’t already know.

“I know,” Harry says, turning his body to mirror him, swiping his fingers through the mess on Louis tummy. “Missed you too,” He grins.

Louis smiles at that, leaning forward to kiss Harry and he doesn’t smile at the way Harry meets him halfway. He _doesn’t_.

**\- ♥ -**

The bed beside him is cold when he wakes up, fingers grasping onto empty bed sheets as he comes to, smiling when he smells Harry on the pillow beside him, vanillary and sweaty and so, so Harry he can’t help but miss him already.

It’s already gone 12:00 noon when he checks his phone, sees a couple of texts from his mum and one from Fizzy about his visit next week and he’s grateful he had the forethought to turn his mass Twitter notifications off because today there’s only one. Only one, but it still makes his heart stop a thousand times over as he reads it.

_Always in my heart @Louis_Tomlinson. Yours sincerely, Harry_

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://larrytrash.tumblr.com/) if you want.


End file.
